Psychologist reveals the simple seven-step guide for dating success | Daily Mail Online
We dug into years of psychological research to find some answers. A study found that men in a speed-dating experiment wanted a woman Starting — and growing — a relationship seems to largely depend on how. When it comes to forming relationships it turns out opposites certainly don't attract , that love is blind and we tend to love our neighbours. Dating & Relationship Expert. Director of Relationship Psychology Services at The Vida Consultancy ltd. Contact me today.
Now, while evolutionary psychology sees men as selecting mates based on who would provide maximum opportunity for bearing offspring, it sees women in an entirely different light.
In the evolutionary perspective, therefore, women are more attracted to men who can provide the financial resources needed for rearing children [read: Now before anyone charges evolutionary psychology of accusing women as mere gold-diggers and men as concerned only with the physical appearance of their mates, note that these speculations were not formed based on what seems instinctively right and observable in common scenarios, but are in fact grounded in research.
One of the many studies that support how evolutionary psychology explains the mate selection process in humans is that of Buss and Barnes.
Their research asked married couples how much importance they placed on certain characteristics when it came to choosing who they married. However, as consistent as these findings are in many other studies across different cultures, it is important to recognize the limitations of these results, as well as other considerations involved in this theory.
We are living in a modern society where our needs are no longer as primitive as what our ancestors may have had in ancient times when they were still living in the wild. Therefore, our evolutionary needs and tendencies may be less likely to influence our present behavior and choices, especially in terms of mate selection.
For instance, psychology professor Jerry M.
What evolutionary psychology explains is possibly more about attraction than about love. Although in many instances, attraction may very well be the spark that first ignites the possibility for a deeper emotion to develop later down the road, the fact stands that mere attraction is not the same as love. But too often those opinions were based on anecdotes, assumptions about human behaviour I knew to be wrong, or — worse — pure misogyny.
As a psychologist who has studied attraction, I felt certain that science could offer a better understanding of romantic attraction than all the self-help experts, pick-up artists and agony aunts in the world. And so I began researching the science of how we form relationships. Location, location So what does this science of attraction tell us?
Well, first, it turns out that one of the strongest predictors of whether any two people will form a relationship is sheer physical proximity. About a half of romantic relationships are formed between people who live relatively near each other and the greater the geographical distance between two people, the less likely they are to get together. Of course, online dating and dating apps have changed where we meet our future partners.
Why You Date Who You Date: Evolutionary Psychology Explains
But even online, geography continues to have an influence. After all, the point of online dating is eventually to meet someone offline — and it costs more time and money to meet someone who lives further away.
People perceived to be physically attractive get asked out on dates more often and receive more messages on online dating sites. They even have sex more often and, apparently, have more orgasms during sex.
Why You Date Who You Date: Evolutionary Psychology Explains | Thought Catalog
But physical attractiveness matters most in the absence of social interaction. Once social interaction takes place, other traits come into their own.
It turns out that both women and men value traits such as kindnesswarmth, a good sense of humour, and understanding in a potential partner — in other words, we prefer people we perceive as nice.
Being nice can even make a person seem more physically attractive.
Psychologist on dating: there are no rules of attraction when it comes to meeting your match
Love is blind But of course, the social context matters as well. Consuming alcoholfor example, really can make everyone else appear more physically attractive. And my own research has shown that love sometimes really is blind.