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- Widow dating: when it's time for new love, we're here
- Dear Mariella
- 10 dating tips for widows and widowers
Believe it or not, some women may just want to use you for sex! Check out the Oscar-nominated Up in the Air for research purposes. Judging by the ages of your boys, you've been out of the game for two decades. You'll find the landscape of love has changed a lot.
Getting married again is a laudable ambition, but I wouldn't go dropping it into casual conversation to all and sundry. It suggests that your trauma has made you eager to replace the status quo, not that you are ready to move on and experience what else life has on offer.
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It's not a new wife you need right now, but friends of both sexes. It's important that you have companions to steer you through the trials and tribulations of dating. I realise you're referring to getting hitched in the long term, but I'm worried that it highlights some slightly misplaced expectations. Having had a stable relationship, you've learned the value of a good partnership. The trouble with women in the world outside your door is that, not having experienced a loss like you have, they're less willing to cut to the quick and get hooked up.
You don't want to be seen as desperate, which I know you're not, but your enthusiasm may be misread. So how about you start working on a social life? Going to dinner parties full of couples may not be what you're after, but it's a start.
Every new person you connect with opens a door to another group of individuals you haven't encountered. Instead of sitting at home surfing for a girlfriend, how about going out and meeting a pal? Your emphasis on finding a replacement for your wife is probably the biggest hurdle to kick-starting this next phase of your life.
Whether it's work- or hobby-related, now that your boys are probably busy leading their own lives you need to start doing likewise.
In many ways they are excellent role models for you, as they will probably have a healthy interest in dating at this stage, but not to the detriment of their other pursuits. You need to establish a similar balance. It's not a lady on your arm that you need to get you out of the house, but the will to rejoin humanity in all its gory glory. If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella. Here some readers respond: It is highly likely that the partner thinks if he's away from his current environment that he'll stop drinking and smoking.
I know from bitter experience that it won't work. An addict could park themselves on Rockall and find a way to get their next fix. Rock23 It is easy to go with the flow and allow more destructive things to happen, but you can not keep going like this.
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