The Ethics of Dating and General Questions - Online Relationships | Ask MetaFilter
Most older adults can tell at least a few horror stories about how they have been treated badly in dating relationships. How many of us take the. We've had the internet for long enough now that the lessons should have been learned. Ethical dating in is possible. Here's how. A description of what expectations one may have in dating, and what I think ( others might disagree) that ethical issues always come down to.
The only thing you have control over is the "shitty human" part. First, dating is not fair. Weird If people were fair they would not do that. But mating and dating is controlled by some parts of the brain that are certain that they are playing for all the marbles, regardless of current circumstances. So people don't act fair. When I was younger I thought it so wrong that women refused to reply sometimes, or flaked on dates.
Now I understand that women have it hard too--and I don't hold it against them. Instead, I look out for myself and practice one-strike dating.
If they flake without a request for a rain check or fail to respond to a message, I drop them. There are too many fish in the sea. If they contact me again, sure I will hang out. But no more chasing. I think they appreciate that too--no dude they don't want bugging them and if they are into me, they get a clear message about my boundaries without me having to jerkily say it out loud.
What I think you ought to do is avoid lying and breaking promises. Not only is that very bad for the other person, but it doesn't advantage you because it internally corrodes you.
Currently, you are one date in.
The ethics of multidating: is it OK to go out with six women at once?
You've told no lies and you have made no promises. You do not know what she wants. Attraction may also grow on you. So give her another date. You are not leading her on you are giving her another shot to show you her best. Especially when you are 40 years old. As long as you're not a dick about it. Non-exclusivity is assumed until it's actually discussed. When it's time to have that discussion -- that's the question. Is it after a period of X weeks?
There's no right answer, so just don't be a dick. Be nice and treat everyone with fairness and courtesy. That said, online dating rules are different from real life rules, and it takes a while to figure them out -- and in your example, simply not replying is a very standard approach, and it is something you're going to have to get used to.
And if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it, and that's OK. Luckily, at your our age, the bad experiences get less and less.
- The Ethics of Dating
Most everyone you end up actually going on a date with is a good person. And with that, you either connect or you don't, and that's fine.
I would suggest picking up Aziz Ansari's Modern Romanceif you haven't already. It's a great resource. Even if you don't necessarily agree with everything he suggests, it helps to clarify the landscape and your own feelings.
Pretty basic manners stuff. In the case of the woman you're currently seeing, I think it is fine to do any of the following options: Totally cut things off, say you're not feeling a romantic chemistry and wish her well. Ask about hanging out as friends, saying something along the lines of "Hey, I've been having a fun time getting to know you, but I don't feel a romantic spark -- do you have any interest in hanging out as friends? Keep dating casually, but make sure you are honest that you're not interested in an exclusive relationship a if she asks and b before things get serious physically if they do.
The Ethics of Dating | rinse before use
Also, if you are 40 years old, I sincerely hope you are not dating girls! Start calling women women. The reason is that no one knows exactly what they want, just like you. That is, after all, why they are dating. When it happens, acknowledge the disappointment and move on.
A good way to do this is to remind yourself that you are upset because of the way things turned out, which is not the way you wanted them to. You are human, and therefore not exempt from having hopes and dreams that go unfulfilled. When it happens, after you have acknowledged the upset, remind yourself that dwelling on hurt feelings is unproductive.
So make an effort to redirect that effort into another pursuit. If you are persistent, patient, and can deal with demoralization and discouragement, then the odds are very good that you will find someone and end up happier for your effort. As for the question of ethics, just be honest and you won't have to worry about the rightness or wrongness of your actions. Here is some feedback based on how I read your question: You are unsure what she wants out of the relationship, and you seem to have some anxiety that the relationship will become physical, which to you represents a de facto level of committment that you do not want.
You also have physical needs that you want to satisfy. There is nothing wrong with this. It is also a symptom of your human-ness. I would suggest you reach out to the woman you are seeing and tell her that, while you appreciate the time she has given you, you would like to see other people. If you are open to seeing her and even sleeping with her, then tell her you are still open to dating if she finds that acceptable.
As we get more comfortable with people in our lives, we usually can reveal our vulnerability and mistakes more readily.
Ethics in Dating | Northwest Prime Time | Serving Baby Boomers and Seniors in Seattle
Think about your own level of truthfulness in dating relationships. You don't have to tell every sordid detail about your life on the first date, but if your goal is a lasting, loving relationship, you can't build that on lies. If a dating partner asks a question that you don't feel comfortable answering and are tempted to answer with a lie, you can simply say, "That's something I'd like to wait to talk about until we know each other better.
You don't have to reveal your weight, your status as a sexual abuse survivor, or the details of your divorce until and unless you are ready to do so. If you are going to be sexually active with a person, you have an ethical responsibility to be honest about sexual health issues. If you have a sexually transmitted infection or are HIV-positive, a potential sex partner has the right to know.
If you claim to be monogamous but are having sex on the side, you may be endangering your partner's health or life as well as your relationship. These are basic issues without much room for debate. When you are considering a committed relationship, you have to be clear and accurate about those elements that determine your suitability for each other.
The Protocol of Online Dating
If you are getting close to the point of moving in together, for example, your partner should know if you plan to move your ailing mother in with you soon, if your teenager has a history of suicide attempts, or if you compulsively alphabetize the spices in your kitchen cabinet. Don't avoid talking about difficult situations just because you are afraid they might be deal-breakers. Truth is often complicated, and you may need time or help to sort it out for yourself before you try to share it with someone else.
We all develop narratives about our own lives, and usually try to preserve our self-respect as we do so.