T.D Jakes - How To Make A Relationship Better (GREAT SERMON ) - video dailymotion
Pastor John counsels a dating couple who failed sexually. Sermon. Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters Family relationships are of great value, but the promises and blessings that come from Christ are of infinite. In Before You Do, best-selling author T. D. Jakes turns his attention and teachings to the topic of relationships and the issues that need resolving once you've learned to use the spiritual and psychological tools for reevaluating your place in life and for repositioning yourself. A complete response to Matthew Vines. This is a defense of Scripture against the those who claim the Bible supports homosexual relationships. This is a FREE.
I was glad when she said that. So anyway, I was like, you know, yeah, I'm going to take the week off because I had things that I need to do to.
With my car being totaled. There are things that needed to be done to make sure that the insurance paid the lien holder for my car. There were things I needed to do for the attorney. I just did not realize all the things that I had going on till someone started listing them out for me and I was like, Whoa, I am really doing a lot, and I already started really feeling depleted and this and I wouldn't say it's because I wasn't practicing self care because let me say this, I had been walking more than I would normally do in the evening time.
Um, it just really clear my head, um, and enjoyed the weather and be amongst nature. I've been doing that more often. I'm working on adding that into my schedule more. I am reading, I'm actually on my second book for the month. I still go to therapy. I had been talking to my therapist and so I would, would it say that it's just that when a life event such as the car accident happened in something that happened, you know, some, some family stuff that's going on. It really started to add onto all that I was already managing prior to the car accident and prior to, you know, my family stuff happening.
I felt fine like I felt like I was managing. I felt like I was on cruise controlled, if you will, but those things added to my plate and I really started declining. I had a day where after that challenge in therapy session, I just came in the house and I went and I went to sleep because it had took a lot out of me and I kept saying to my therapist that I don't have the emotional capacity to deal right now with all that's happening in my life.
I don't have the emotional capacity to try to work through some challenges that I may be having in relationships with people around me. I was like, I'm so drained, and I came in the house. I cried and I went to sleep and then the next day I really stayed. At the next day I had a meeting with a potential client and then after that I came back in the house and I was sleeping literally all day and I think I only may have had something to eat.
And when I started to realize, oh, these are ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, ding, these are behaviors, this is showing signs that you're, I'm relapsing into a depression. And I was like, okay, wait, I need to really do something about this because I don't want it to get to the point where like, the police officer forced me out of my home because I wasn't functional.
Like at this point, yes, I'm functional, I'm getting up, I'm doing the podcast, I'm talking to clients, I'm getting work done, I'm writing blog posts, I'm doing the podcast. Like I'm still getting things done on functional, but I'm more in tune with myself. I'm more self aware because now I can see the patterns where depression is trying to creep up on me.
Uh, and so I was like, wait, okay. So I remember telling my therapist this and I was like, something has to be done because if I don't do something I'm literally going to go downhill. I did start isolating a bit. I was telling some of my friends like, I'm just going to lay low right now.
I really don't want to text or really hang out with anyone. I just kind of want to stay to myself because it's just too much for me to handle right now. And so what I did was that Friday when I came back in from a meeting with a potential client, I actually called my and I told them this is, it was like the behavioral health line. And I was like, these are, this is what's happening, you know, I'm a suicide survivor and I really want to be proactive.
And I remember telling my therapist this, I was like, I think I'm going to check myself into a partial hospitalization program. They help you develop coping strategies.
Um, you learn what your triggers are, you learn how to better manage your mental illness, um, you learn how to advocate for yourself, you learn how to set up boundaries. All the things that I've been talking about on the podcast and all the things that I have been learning since I have been in therapies next month will be three years with the same therapist consistently.
And so these are all the things that I knew, but I was like, let me be proactive as opposed to reactive because if I keep going, this is not going to end up well. And so I was like, wow, if it's about to go, it's about to go down. And so my therapist was like, well, I think, you know, I think this is a great idea if you are feeling this way.
So again, I will be in about, I think two to three weeks I'll be going into the partial hospitalization program.
Don't worry, I'm still going to get your podcast. We're opposed to the difference with partial and impatient. You're like inside a down psychiatric unit in most cases the door's locked from the inside and the outside and yeah, you're basically locked in the hospital. And you have to ask, you know, can you shower, you got an ex can use the bathroom, you know, because a lot of a lot of people in there are not stable in the point is the purpose it's supposed to be to get you stable.
And so I was like, no, that's not what I want. I'm being a part of the partial hospitalization gives you more, a bit of more control but you have to be in a certain mental space to be in the partial hospitalization program. Like when I was forced him to the hospital, I needed to be there. Like there was no way for me to be in partial hospitalization.
Now after I got out of the hospital I transitioned to partial so I was inpatient. Now I transitioned to partial where I would be able to come home and go home and then come back in the morning as opposed to inpatient. And so I called the hospital and after I got off the phone with my insurance, I wind up calling the hospital and told them I've been through the program like two and a half years ago.
And while, yes, I am still functional, but I'm starting to see behaviors and patterns that are pointing to me to, um, relapse and I'm also having a lot of balls that I'm juggling in the air and I'm feeling really depleted.
So they were like, okay, I'm, they actually the typical questions like, are you thinking about harming yourself or someone else? And I'm like, no, because I'm not.
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- T.D Jakes - How To Make A Relationship Better (GREAT SERMON 2018)
- T.D Jakes - How To Make A Relationship Better (GREAT SERMON 2018)
If I'm, if I'm suicidal people in my circle, they know now that I'm pretty honest about it. So I said, no, I'm not.
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So that's what I'm in the process of doing. Self care is about self preservation, but it's about being self aware. If you don't take the time to actually know behaviors and patterns because they're blind spots to you because you don't, you're not self aware, then how would you even know that something is wrong?
So I like, like I said, that's what I was doing for, you know, I was really like an energizer bunny and I was constantly going and going. I was not really taking the time to sit with my emotions and my thoughts and I was just doing what I needed to do because I was already to follow my dreams that I need to get these bills paid. I gotta get this debt down. I gotTa have a great credit score. Like you know, it's just like go, go, go. But here's the thing I want to tell your self care is what feeds your mind, your body, and your spirit.
It's exercising, it's having a well balanced diet. Self care is journaling, self care is therapy. Self care is having healthy relationships. Self care is reading books, self care is sleeping. So y'all, we got to start with the Hashtag Hustle, Hashtag team, no sleep and Hashtag grant.
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We really got to stop with all of that because let me ask you all this question. What good is a manicure or pedicure or massage if you are depressed, empty and broken.
So that's, that's why I really like don't like to talk or really don't like to attribute self care to many's and petty's and getting your hair done. And massages now what massages, I feel like it's a thin line because a lot of times people hold stress in certain areas of their body.
Like for me, I tend to hold stress in my upper back, neck and shoulders area. So of course a massage would help loosen up those muscles because a lot of times, um, tinder and I may be in pain. So I felt like it's a fine line between massages, but I just really want to encourage us to not limit self care to those things that could seem pretty superficial, struggling. And you can have your hair done and being a manic episode if you struggle with bipolar disorder, you can.
And that's what I was talking about on last week's episode, how we can have all these things or do all these things that make us feel, quote unquote feel good. But yet we're still broken. We really have to reevaluate how we view self care. I was always asking myself like, where did we get this quote unquote brilliant idea that the less you sleep and take breaks, the more successful you will be. We have to work twice as hard just to get half of what our oppressors have. So it's been ingrained in us.
There was a time where older generations, you know, our ancestors, they had to work themselves to the bone, whether it was in slavery or during like civil rights and Jim Crow and the Civil Rights Jim Crow era just to provide for their families. Of course the slavery there was, there was no pro really providing for your families.
I mean, we had to do, we got scrapped and we had to do what we needed to do, but the point I'm trying to make is we're so used to working ourselves to the bone that is ingrained in us and it's been passed down from generation to generation because many of our ancestors and some of us still feel like this today, that we don't have time for a mental breakdown or we write it off as just the blues or instead of an actual mental health condition.
We know they just. We just pray to Jesus and we keep pushing through and many blacks and African Americans identify as Christians and 50 percent of African Americans attend church services weekly and that's according to a pew research study. We believe that participating in rituals like attending church and reading devotions and fasting and listened to Gospel Music and participating in ministries and listening to sermons that it will help us during difficult times.
And while yes, I would say there's a very fine line with that because we can so be so busy doing, doing, doing, but not working on ourselves and while I certainly contribute to being mentally healthy to a redeveloping my relationship with God, I do contributed to being mentally healthy, but what I will say, I also contributed to addressing my trauma, excepted that I had a mental illness and working through it. That's what self care, self care is going beneath the surface and working on yourself.
Even though it's can be very hard, self care is going to those deep dark places. Those things that we've suppressed and we don't want to talk about or we're embarrassed about to that we tried to overcompensate or we try to do certain things to fill those voids is to actually remove.
To pull that bandaid off and even if you got to pull it off just a little bit, just a little bit at a time and not just rip it off because that may be too much too much for some people.
But that's truly what self care is one of the many ways to take care of yourself, of yourself and your mental health is sleep and take taking breaks. It contributes to memory loss, weight gain. I'm a weakened immune system, increased risk for diabetes and high blood pressures and so many other illnesses and that's according to [inaudible] dot com.
These illnesses are that are so prevalent in our community, not just because we we eat all the wrong things. It's also because we don't take time to address our mental health and do things like sleep and address generational trauma and therapy.
That's why I now realize like Hashtag grinding, Hashtag hustling Hashtag team, no sleep is quite ridiculous and it's truly killing us because it glorified being a workaholic and perpetuates this idea that taking a break limit your success and that's not true.
You know, it has been for me two and a half years since my suicide attempt and being in the psychiatric unit and I have been of course in, in very intense therapy through the partial hospitalization program, which I will be doing a good and you know, taking medication and really learn to take care of myself while yes, I like to get. I like to get my. I like to get pedicures. Yes, that's taking care of myself, but I'm just not getting pedicures. But then avoiding other areas of my life, like avoiding not taking care of my finances so I can be financially stable or holding onto guilt and like I'm not, you know, I'm not really, I'm not.
I'm doing the work to become a better person while there's still some work that I need to do. I can honestly say when I look in the mirror, I'm proud of the person that I become. I truly am because I've done a lot of work, so I never wanted to make it seem like, oh, don't get your hair and your nails done because it's not self care.
Again, for me, I personally put that in make maintenance, but if you're going to do those things, that could be quote unquote superficial, are as much energy and time that you spend making appointments or driving to the nail salon or hair salon or the spa to get your massage. Do you have a well balanced diet?
Are you setting time aside to work out and these are all the things that I'm saying to y'all, but I'm also turning it back and asking myself those very questions, you know, because I've had to learn to take care of myself because I refuse to be like my ancestors and work myself to the bone.
Whether we, if we don't take care of ourselves and we dropped did and within split second the bill's gone.
Debt still gonna be there like it's always going to be there, but there's no point to kill yourself in the process. Set up a plan, take and also set up a plan, but in that plan, take care of yourself. I often say, what's in my cup is for me, what runs over is for everyone else. And just this year alone I had been practicing self care very well because part of self care for me is also identifying if I may be relapsing, like I told you, I started seeing signs like, oh Kia, what's going on here?
You laying in a bed all day, you having a hard time getting to, having a hard time getting out of bed and before you get glued to your bed and stopped showering and eating, um, let's do something about this.
And so in just this year alone with taking breaks and really learning to put myself first, I'm able, I was able to actually enjoy my accomplishments and do my best with smelling the roses.
So I can move onto the next thing, but actually basking in the glory of that particular accomplishment. And for me this year I worked the Naacp image awards and I got a chance to meet Easter Ray and I'm actually going to do.
We don't talk about eastern way. I'm a huge, huge fan. So if y'all know eastern rave, if Easter is listening, one of my dreams is to work with Easter eggs, so I'm just putting it out there so y'all know you got put it out there. So that was a, that was like a dream come true because eastern rate has actually inspired me to do a podcast and we're going, well we'll talk about that in another episode, but I've also had over 15 speaking engagements this year.
I was, I started the podcast, I was featured on good morning, Washington twice this year. And you have, I'd be like, Oh, you read, you read books. Like that's not a big thing, but actually to me it is a big thing because it's an accomplishment because reading forces me to pull away from social media and spend time with myself and turn off the noise and the distractions of life and focus in on a book where I don't want to have my phone so I'm not reading a book on my phone.
I have a kindle that I love or I either actually read the actual hard copy book and it again. So it forces me to acquire new information and forces me to spend time with myself and actually slowed down, process my emotions and actually just sit in silence because some of the books that I read are about their self help.
And that's part of what I'm doing right now is not being on social media. So that's a part of myself here. Because social media can be a lot. While I love it and it can be great, but sometimes it can be addicting. And I'm like, I need to pull away. Most importantly for me, I, you know, during that year I've been able to rebuild my relationship with God. Whereas in the past, like I never took the time to really like pull away.
I would just always like going like the energizer bunny. And so while, yes, managing my mental illness, it can, you know, it can be tough, but you know, I have to actively continue to work on myself so I can be the best that I can be and I no longer choose sleep and rest over the pursuit of my dreams and paying bills and paying down debt.
I'm not gonna do that.
Before You Do by T.D. Jakes on Audio Download
So the question that I really want to propose to you listening is what will you do to manage better, manage your mental health and ensure you are getting adequate rest. What are the tools that you are going to put into place to make sure you are practicing self care?
And that can be anything from getting up in the morning, praying, journaling, reading devotionals. It can be going to the gym, it can be starting to go to therapy with those things that make you feel whole. Those things that make you feel complete, that those things that make sure that you are preserving yourself and not burning out. That's what self care is and I really, really want to reinforce that. So I hope that you know, this topic really resignated with you all and that you're able to take something from it and apply it to your life because that's one of the biggest things that I have learned what I had set.
My mental health is always top of mind of course, because that's the line of work that I'm in now as an advocate. But also because of my struggles that I have.
And so I know that a lot of us often feel like we always have to be like on this rat race. Or were unfulfilled and if you're feeling unfulfilled in your life and you're like, I don't know what my purpose is, I don't know what I want to do, take time to pull away from social media and take time to go to therapy because it time pulled away, take time to read a book.
So I think that's something that we really need to talk about and I'm pretty sure that's because a lot of people like all therapy, so expensive and yes it can be. But your girl not out here bawling, but I go to therapy so I want to make sure we all have the resources. That's why I enjoy finding new resources for you all so you can really start your therapy process. And so I want to make sure that I'm getting that to you all.
So I think maybe that's what we'll need to talk about next week. There are three topics that are coming to mind, but I think that's what we need to talk about next. That's what we'll discuss.
So for this week's therapist, shout out it is Dr. Ian Book of Notre Dame is the longest shot to win the title. Of all the quarterbacks who may be thanking God during a national title on January 7th, Trevor Lawrence has the best shot to do the same on NFL Sundays.
Like Tagovailoa Lawrence is outspoken about his faith. The Cartersville native is a member of Tabernacle Baptist Churcha southern Baptist congregation which proclaims the gospel and adheres to biblical innerancy. Though it is socially conservative with regard to sexuality and the sanctity of life, it proclaims a false gospel of works.
The truth is that many of these public figures are being dangerously misled by apostate churches and are in need of fervent prayer and a true Christian witness. As a reminder, the gospel is the story of the good news of Jesus Christ. Jesus came according to the scriptures and died a substitutionary death on the cross to atone for sin.
All who repent of their sins and trust in the risen Lord for forgiveness will be saved, through faith by grace and not of works, from the wrath of God. All who do not will suffer an eternity in Hell. As football season comes to a close and Christian football fans celebrate hard-fought championships and lament crushing defeats, they need to remember the primacy of the gospel and the Kingdom of God.