Talking to Your Parents - or Other Adults (for Teens)
Adult children don't always choose the mate their parents want for them. There is no point in confronting your parents with something that. Sure, you talk to your parents, but what if you need to really talk? Maybe you have a But your mom or dad can handle knowing about your problem, big or small. If they look concerned, by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD. Date reviewed: August The first thing to do is to talk to your parents about dating, and be honest and . The more that you show you can handle your life and your responsibilities, the.
Here are 3 steps to help you prepare for that talk. Most adults aren't so good at this! What you hope to achieve can vary.
So you can say why you want to talk in a way that communicates what you need. Don't give me advice — I just want you to know what's bothering me. Can I tell you about it? Identify Your Feelings Things like personal feelings or sex are awkward to discuss with anyone, let alone a parent.
It's natural to be nervous when talking about sensitive topics. Recognize how you're feeling — for example, maybe you're worried that telling parents about a problem will make them disappointed or upset.
But instead of letting those feelings stop you from talking, put them into words as part of the conversation. It can help to defuse things by beginning with a statement like, "Mom, I have something to tell you. I'm not proud of what I've done, and you might be mad.
But I know I need to tell you.
Talking to Your Parents - or Other Adults
Can you hear me out? Pick a Good Time to Talk Approach your parent when he or she isn't busy with something else. Ask, "Can we talk?
Is now a good time? If it's hard to find a good time, say, "I need to talk to you. When is a good time? Think ahead about what you want to say or ask. Write down the most important ideas if you need to. Emotions and past experiences can get in the way. Will parents take you seriously, believe what you say, listen to and respect your opinions, and hear you out without interrupting? A lot depends on your parent. Some parents are easy to talk to, some are great listeners, and some are harder to approach.
But some of what happens depends on you, too. Since communication is a two-way street, the way you talk can influence how well a parent listens and understands you.
So here are some guidelines to consider when talking to parents: Be clear and direct.
Be as clear as you can about what you think, feel, and want. Give details that can help parents understand your situation. They can listen better or be more helpful if they understand what you mean and what's really going on. If you're always honest, a parent will be likely to believe what you say. If you sometimes hide the truth or add too much drama, parents will have a harder time believing what you tell them. If you lie, they'll find it hard to trust you.
Try to understand their point of view. Acknowledge that a cross-cultural marriage is going to be difficult. Express your sadness that they feel the way they do. Affirm your love for them and your general respect for their opinions but be clear that you have made your decision. Quiet certainly is far more effective than angry words.
How to Start Talking to Your Parents About Your First Relationship
Keeping it secret suggests you are ashamed of your choice. Someone will inevitably find out, which will make everyone else in the family angry and upset with you both. Do make sure both of you agree about compromises in order to be together. Make sure you are sure. Do be clear about your own motives. Make sure you love the person for who he or she is in their entirety, not because you like the drama of choosing someone who has a significantly different family background.
Do your best to negotiate compromises, understanding, or at least respectful disagreement.
As our world becomes smaller through social media and increased ease of travel, more and more people are finding themselves in love with someone their parents never considered as a suitable mate.
If people dig in their heels, the consequences can be terribly hurtful and long-lasting. However, the painful bottom line is this: If your parents persist in not accepting the situation, your first loyalty is to your partner. This is the person you have chosen to make a life with. Even if your parents threaten never to see you again, to treat you as dead, or to cut you out of the will, loving your partner means living with those consequences. Hopefully, when your parents see that you are committed to the person you love and the life you have chosen, they, like Tevye in Fiddler and Robert in Downton, will come around.
Marie Hartwell-Walker is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. She is author of the insightful parenting e-book, Tending the Family Heart. Check out her book, Unlocking the Secrets of Self-Esteem. Retrieved on January 11,from https: