A younger man dating an older woman | Ask MetaFilter
I'm worried she'll be out of her prime soon. . a 33 year old womans biological clock is ticking dude . i dated a 38 year old when i was 22 and we actually got pretty serious. never once did any .. I always date older chicks. I am 30 years old and female and I dated a 20 year old guy (at my . No trouble during dating (he was 35 and I was 25 when we married). The rule states that it is acceptable for year old women to date men who are up to 46 By the time of their separation in , however, Kutcher, then 33 had In a few more years, you'll be 28 and this person will be 22, above your new . I wouldn't reply back to 56 year old man I'm 49 and almost no 56 year old man.
Yet according to the survey, 37 was well outside the age range of what is socially acceptable. The results also showed that the creepiness rule is too restrictive about how old you can date when you are young, but becomes too lenient as you get older. Yet, people surveyed were fine with John and Lauren seeing someone in their early 30's. When John and Lauren are 60, the creepiness rule allows them to date anyone older than themselves the official cap is However, society places more restrictive age limits of 71 and 75 respectively.
Overall, the creepiness rule does not accurately represent what people find socially acceptable; people are more judgmental than what the creepiness rule implies. If the creepiness rule is wrong, then I needed a new rule to guide my non-existent love life. As I reviewed the data, I realized that one rule was not enough. When it comes to dating older, women have the advantage. According to the survey, a 20 year-old John can date someone who is However, when Lauren is 30, she is supposed to date someone who is at least I not only created separate rules for men and women but also created different rules to determine how old and how young each gender can date.
Whether the guy is playing with his own emotions, or playing with the OP's, this is not the trusting and honest relationship which leads to lifetime commitment the OP is looking for. This is a guy who thinks relationships top out at 4 to 5 years, max. The OP doesn't need to stick around to try and change someone who holds a stunted view on intimate relationships.
And by the way OP, I think you are totally correct - after dating somone for two years, both parties have enough data to decide if the relationship will lead to marriage or not. OP, if you are going to date someone 14 years older than you, date a Man.
Don't date a Peter Pan-type with commitment issues.
Is it weird if a 23 year old is dating a 33 year old? - afrocolombianidad.info Forums
Being a player or an immature commitment-phobe with stunted views on intimate relationships does not make this guy a "Bad Person. Is he a poor choice for mentor or friendship material? OP, the mini break-ups and chaste coffee shop lust isn't romantic because it is not leading anywhere solid. Upon Preview, wolfdreams01 really nails what I'm trying to say: I wonder if this is in part what's behind the meeting in public places requirement?
That would make him an "MF" in my book if he was keeping secrets and playing with people's hearts. However, I can back off on that point and still say that in all my years of experience, I've learned this: Relationships that feature obstacles and lots of mini break-ups never turn into what either person involved wants or needs. Sorry I may have painted him in the wrong light: In fact, the one time I suggested that to him he said we weren't ready to go there yet.
He's been meticulously careful about building up to it, the issue is more that I don't like oral and he thinks I should experience that before actual sex. He's never made blunt advances, just made it clear that he wants to fuck me eventually. I genuinely don't think he has a girlfriend, albeit a serious one. He hates cheating and honestly working hours a week I don't think one would have time for that.
Going into the line of work he is in, I know personally maintaining one relationship is difficult enough, having two with that while working 80 hours a week is unreal.
We also talk regularly on the phone late at night which I imagine is not very likely to happen if a girlfriend is a reality. He's also definitely not a "losing loser" as some people have described. One of the reasons I like him is because he is very inspiring in his work ethic and charity work.
He didn't grow up in the best of circumstances but has really built a great life for himself. Just some more comments - dont know if it will change people's perceptions. He may be very good at dealing with his work life but make incredibly poor choices regarding his emotional attachments to people.
From what you have shared here, he sounds like he likes you but cannot get past the age gap. This can create an unintentional power struggle, especially if you are not as experienced. I would step back from all of this, especially because of the history of mini breakups.
That is just manipulating and drama-Rama. You should be having this discussion together; he shouldn't be telling you what you want out of a relationship.
As many, many others have said, it's really not an issue of the age difference; it's an issue of the nature of the relationship. It doesn't really sound like a healthy relationship to me; he sounds as if he's taken on something of a paternalistic role, which is almost guaranteed to lead to a messed-up dynamic.
And then eventually you just hide her posts, and oh my God, it's like night and day, the annoyance totally evaporates, and you can't believe you put up with it for so long? In my experience, that's what this type of relationship is like. The drama is both annoying and sort of addictive, but as soon as you walk away, you're like - OH. I didn't actually like that very much. I don't know if the age difference is necessarily a problem, but does this relationship really feel fun and supportive to you?
Or do you spend a lot of time with an anxious knot in your gut, wondering if he's going to call, or what he'll say when you see him, if he'll smile when you walk in or frown dramatically and then tell you you definitely have to break up this time, etc? Like many people, I had a few mildly dramatic relationships when I was your age.
Why did I put up with that? Why did I engage with those people? I wasn't even having a very good time! They weren't fun, I wasn't learning anything very useful about how adults behave in relationships, and they were so full of mild drama and I felt anxious all the time.
The only thing they had going for them was that the very drama they generated was mildly exciting and made me think "I guess this is what the beginning of a relationship is like! Maybe this is how you know this is going to be an important one! That's how you know that the relationship will be ridiculous and full of drama.
I mean, look, you're young and you're figuring things out. Will it ruin your life if you remain involved with this guy? Probably not use birth controlbut on the other hand You are a young, happening lady, and there are definitely other fellows out there who would love to date you without weird flip-flopping drama about everything.
I personally think those guys are the ones you want. Just because dating without a knot of tension in your stomach is more fun! BlahLaLa is 13 years older than I am, and we met when I was We've been together for more than 20 years, so yeah, I don't think the age difference alone is a deal breaker.
But the difference between our relationship and yours is that ours was drama-free and fairly healthy right from the get-go. Drop it and move along. He's not the right guy for you, and the age difference is just a tiny part if why. Let me bold the parts that stand out: I wish that when I was 20 someone with more experience had shown me the things to look for.
I'm showing you now. Run away from this guy. At best he's a muddled mess and a horrible mismatch for you. It's more likely, though, that he's a liar. Find a guy who isn't so squirrelly about his intentions and his life.
It seems pretty fucking far. It is also really not a good sign how much you've focused on what he wants instead of what you want. From the distance of the internet, that you are at least under the impression that he works 80 hours a week is not actually a good sign, at least from where we sit.
Working 80 hours a week is not something you can really do and date one person, I've done it before and it is really really non-trivial; that is 12 hours a day every day, which minus 8 hours for sleeping and leaves 4 hours total for everything else from shitting to laundry to commuting to eating. It sounds an awful lot like the kind of thing someone who spends a normal amount of time with their girlfriend would say to explain their naturally sporadic amount of time to the girl being groomed on the side.
This guy is taking advantage of the many subtle and non-intuitive things you don't yet know to look for but are freaking the fuck out of the many older women in this thread who have literally been there and are trying to point them out. He is both fully defining the relationship, hell you even phrased your question as if from his perspective, and using that power to craft a really unhealthy one.
You don't need to deal with this bullshit. I don't think the issue here is this man's age, but rather his maturity or rather, lack thereof. He seems to want to control the level of contact you guys have, the amount and type of physical contact, and the length of your relationship. OP, is that what you want from a boyfriend?
He's keeping you from being intimate with anyone else, any one who is not him.Would a 35 Year Old Man Consider Dating a 23 Year Old Woman?
Yet, he doesn't believe in relationships that last more than 5 years? And he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, anyway? Please don't let someone like this have that kind of power over your present or future. Your first statements about him pressuring you for sex were very clear. Also, your statements were very familiar to me, so therefore, much more believable than your backtracking.
Please don't make excuses for this guy. It is NOT your fault that he came on so strong and inappropriately, so don't take on his burden by now downplaying what happened. You're better than that. Please understand that men will be propositioning you in ways that reflect poorly on them not you for many many years to come. No one here is slut-shaming you, so don't you do start doing that to yourself!! Telling you what kind of sex you should engage in?
That he has weighed in with his opinion on what type of sexual intimacies you should try, and in what order, despite the fact that he's rejected you as too young, yet he texts and phone calls you like you are his girlfriend Every second you spend talking to or thinking about this guy puts you further away from appreciating how valuable your time and energy is, and further away from being in the relationship you really want.
In that culture, a pretty 20 year old virgin is a trophy. I suspect he can't bear to give the trophy up to anyone else, but is aware of how using you would harm you; thus, his conflict. You can do better. Your follow-up response has made it abundantly clear to me that 1 you like and admire the man, and 2 you're going to become increasingly uncomfortable with the responses on this thread.
So, my practical answer for you is No - he's not robbing the cradle. Age gaps are not the critical issue alone. Rather, continue seeing him as long as you are fulfilled and enjoying the relationship with him. When that changes, move on. I believe there is cause to question the relationship I wouldn't have posted if I didn't. In the follow up comment, I was just trying to make sure I was portraying it the right way which might not have been the case when I posted late last night posted by avenue at He wants to have sex with you and then put in caveats and pretend he has a deep emotional life.
He's gross and immature and wants to have sex with you and will say whatever it takes. What I'm getting is that he doesn't love or care about you. He isn't even respectful but is trying to seem like it. It's a different stage of life in terms of maturity and in terms of life experience, and the reason is because there's usually a long process of transitioning, rather than an overnight one, from being a dependent child of parents to being an independent adult who is a mature grown up person, and for many people that transition is still a work in progress when they are 20 but is much more completed when they are I think what this guy is experiencing is a struggle between being attracted to you personality, etc.
He's regularly having sex with someone who doesn't know he's saying these things to you.
34 year old dating 20 year old -very confused - Older relationship | Ask MetaFilter
I didn't feel that it was inappropriate, or that anyone was "robbing the cradle" or that I was being taken advantage of in any way. In fact, quite the opposite -- in most of those situations I felt like a mooch because I had less money than my partner and in general less ability to be the "giver" rather than the "taker". I also felt like I was holding those partners back, that they should be off building a life for themselves, not running around with a 22 year old.
That said, there were some really big drawbacks to the age difference. I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was. When I got out and got my first internship, same deal. I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc.
Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us.
There are lots of advantages to dating a grownup. I wouldn't trade her for a year-old for anything, especially when I remember what I was like at Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments? Because the article, if I'm thinking of the same one you are, was about how awesome women in their 30s are, and how dumb it is that guys don't tend to date older women. And they had data to back up something women being awesome!
Five years doesn't rate as an age gap when you are an adult. This must worry you for some reason, but it shouldn't. I remember a ton of lady-persons who were 31 at my 26 and I didn't give a rat's patoot about our respective ages. Be glad you've found someone you care about and who feels the same. I'd have no problem dating a 25 year old. If she's OK with you, you should be too. When I was in my early 30's, I had a short relationship with a woman in her early 20's.
We weren't a good match and one of the things that stuck out to me was the difference in maturity. If you're thoughtful and mature and your are compatible, great, have a good time. Cart before the horse. I hope you've worked through your previous issues. I think you need a lot more confidence and grounding, but that's just me.
I'm not a MILF or a Cougar and spent most of the early years of the relationship worrying about the age difference, it has never bothered him. You like who you like, ask her out and if she says yes I hope you both have fun. If it becomes serious you won't care about the age difference, and if it's only a bit of fun for both of you, you might learn something about yourself and women. Forget about what people on OKCupid say, what people say online to make themselves look "cooler" rarely has any actually relationship to what they'd do if they had the chance in real life.
Also face early thirties deosn't look that much different to late 20's its not like she's got grey hair and a walking stick, no one is going to look twice.
Are you sure that they've failed at competing? I suspect that men who date older women have realized that the only way to win at "my girlfriend is younger than yours" is not to play. Put another way, do you really want the respect of men who think this way about women?
Would it really make you feel better about yourself? This is not enough data to say anything about you. In fact, the only thing this tells me is that you are into this particular 31 year old woman. It could, maybe, suggest that you're more into 31 year olds than other women. If you really need to be older than your lady, just wait until you're 32 and start hitting on the 31 year olds. Ta da, problem solved. Or you could realize you're being ridiculous and ask this one out now.
Live your life, man. A week later he turned 21 and 2 weeks after that I was It didn't last, but he's still one of my favorite people in the world. We still root for each other. And it wasn't because of our ages that it didn't work out. But even if it was, that doesn't mean it wouldn't have been worth it.
But the fact that it concerns you and you have to ask this question says to me, pretty strongly, that you personally shouldn't date this woman. They have been together for 37 years and are happy by all accounts. So yeah, it works. Whomever started that cougar and milf shit should die in a fire.
As a year old, I dated a year old. In all cases, it was two people being attracted to each other, not two numbers. Just be open and honest, listen to both your heart and your mind, and it is hard for things to go too wrong. My wife is 5 years older than I am. We met and knew within 3 days that we were meant for each other, and we've been married for 30 years. I never cared a bit about the age difference. She, on the other hand, never seemed to get over the age gap.
Thus, we only lasted a couple of months. But, had she been OK with the gap as I wasthe relationship may have lasted a good bit longer. TLDR - Age difference is only a problem if you think it is.
And honestly, it's normal to freak out about this stuff even if you are super-enlightened. I consider myself super-feminist, but still had this idea in my head that women don't date younger men, because they're less mature, and make worse relationships.
My fiance reminded me that we share the same cultural touch points. Y craze that lasted all of about five minutes?
That said, while it's normal to worry about it briefly, if you stick with these concerns, it might mean that there are some lingering insecurities. I've done it at 30 and She was a little uncomfortable with the idea for the first month, worrying that maybe she was too old for me, but it turned out to be fine.
We just enjoyed the hell out of each other. Question any assumption that requires you to judge a woman negatively for being a woman and doing the same damn thing as you. In other words, either a five year age difference between consenting adults is creepy or it isn't.
The older party being a woman doesn't somehow make it wrong, that's a sexist double standard and it's bullshit. Think of it this way: Does that sound like any kind of healthy or happy way to approach a relationship? Women are people, just like you. She was 42 and he was 30 when they met at work. They fell in love and were partners; they had two sons and raised them. They were together for 21 years.
I guess you'd have to ask Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. We lasted 10 great years together.