Paul Carrick Brunson: Celebs Go Dating new agent's family life and career | OK! Magazine
Mentor, Entrepreneur, & Television Host. My goal is to help you live your best life. Oprah's love guru Paul Carrick Brunson gives some clutch dating advice for the modern single. Whether you've been dating regularly or just getting back into it, we offer our agency plans interactive events both in-person and live online through Spreecast .
The fact that they thought I could be a part of that group, it was an honor.
- Paul Carrick Brunson: Celebs Go Dating new agent's family life and career away from the E4 show
- Coaching & Matchmaking
- Real Dates, Self-Love, and Standards
What is your best childhood memory of Black History Month? My best memory is the fact that I never viewed it as a month.
I went to a predominantly White high school, and February was the only time I felt we explored topics around Black culture, and it was very superficial. How has working with Oprah Winfrey changed your life? It just shows how influential she is. A lot of people had written her off. The fact that I had people telling me i should not do the show with her is now laughable. Has your approached changed?
I went from a business career to becoming a professional matchmaking. So there was a probably a lot of self-doubt i had at that time. What is it that the perfect gives you to work with?
The perfect client is an approachable client who listens and not just hears. You begin to gain it before you even take them on. So trust is gained through your interactions on social media, or your response when someone is inquiring about service with you.
What three tips would you give someone about a good lasting impression on a date? Social media and photo filters really does people a disservice. What dating rule do you think women should drop? That's the reason why people go online. Matchmakers are like the headhunters of the industry. So what we do is people contact us, we have a fixed pool, but we also go outside of that pool to identify what we call qualitative matches.
And how many successful matches do you believe that you can claim credit for?
So, that's a great question. I'll give you the real quick. The real quick is we've actually had two marriages. We have had hundreds of clients, literally, but I want to break out how we determine success, right?
Success could be looked at as marriages or it could be looked at as committed relationships. It also could be looked at as people that have just evolved with regards to their dating and they're dating more.
You know, we have several clients that come to us and they have not gone out on dates in the last year or two years, literally. You know, these will be 35, year-old women that have never gone out on a date in the last decade.
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And so once we're about to put them on several dates, you know, that's a success. I do want to talk about race for just one minute. Because you are, to your knowledge, the only what, African-American male matchmaker in the business?
And there has been so much discussion about the relationships between black men and black women, particularly. And as a side conversation, the relationships that black men and women have with people outside the race. And I'm just interested in your perspective on that. I'm asked a lot, with regard to race, because as you mentioned, I'm African-American, and with regard to, I'll call it the ethnicity issue, is that - one thing I've found is that love comes in unexpected packages.
That's one thing that is tried and true throughout all of the matchmaking that we've done, throughout all the research that we do, throughout all of our affiliations, is love comes in unexpected packages. I never, never, never, never would peg any of my clients to one particular ethnicity. A matter of fact, when clients come to me, and they have their, you know, their list of 27, 50, items, right, typically race is somewhere in the top, I'd say five or six.
And that's something that I try to play devil's advocate on and I'm typically successful at that. And that's for all races? That's for all races.Paul C Brunson & Coach Cass talk about Love, Relationships, & Dating inspire many
All races generally assume that they'd be most compatible with someone from the same race. I think that's the innate assumption. But what about the low marriage rate among African-Americans in general? I mean, until the s, African-Americans had a higher marriage rate than whites did. And it has completely reversed. Why do you think that is?
When you look at the numbers, one thing you have to look at is that the marriage rate is a precipitous drop across the board. All ethnicities in the United States are looking at this.
Not only that, but the belief around marriage is significantly dropping. But where is it dropping, is the question. It's not necessarily dropping just in the African-American space. Where it's dropping is among socioeconomic groups. If you look at the top 12 percent socioeconomic in the United States, black, white, green, yellow, marriage and the belief of marriage has never been higher than it is now.
Where it's dropping is it's dropping in the middle class and it's dropping in the lower socioeconomic rungs of this country.
And that is an issue because when social scientists project out to, they can actually see a flatline in marriage, you know, down to zero percent. So what you're saying is the more successful and affluent you are, the more likely you are to be married.
No question about that. Well, marriage amongst the middle in socioeconomic classes of this country is facing attack. If you look at pop culture, media, where do you see positive images of marriage? When do you pick up the newspaper, when do you - you know, you go onto your favorite blog and you see information and you're inundated with positive information, reinforcement, around couples and marriage and the strength of it and the positivity of it?
What you do is you see what the divorce rate is. What you do is you see the percentage of black women that are single. What you do is you see what the marriage rate is dropping to. And so I think that this topic of marriage is critical because I can't think of any other act in your life that is more important than the quest for your significant other. You know, my wife and I just had our first child and I can tell you that the act of my wife and I courting and wooing each other and coming - becoming one was - is the foundation for everything else in our life.
So you have some element, right, of our life that is of high significance that's facing attack in this country.
I mean, that's a big issue. I'm speaking with Paul Carrick Brunson. He is a matchmaker and a dating coach and he's talking with us about dating in the modern age. Will you match same-sex couples or same-sex - same gender loving individuals? Will you match them? Do you find any difference in the techniques that it takes to get people properly matched? Well, I'd say, I mean, I am a heterosexual male, so when it relates to - when you were talking about homosexual individuals, it's a challenge that I do have.
But one thing that I will say is that there's a bit of science, there's a bit of art to matchmaking.
Who is Paul Carrick Brunson? Oprah's matchmaker replaces Eden Blackman on Celebs Go Dating
If you look at the common denominator in successful relationships, not just marriages, I'm talking about successful relationships, there are commonalities. The ability to communicate.
The ability to resolve conflict. These are things that are indisputable, right? So when you look at the courting process, you look at the whole match -the initial dating phase, values should be the largest component of that. And what's interesting with my clients is I'll ask them, I'll say, you know, what are your values? Prioritize - and that's a deep question, to look at, wow, what are my values?
What are the guiding principles of my life? What about you meet somebody who says, I haven't been on a date in two years? What's the first thing you do? Well, you know, the first question is one of self, right?
You know, Psychology Today did a really good study on this. I think there is a - it's one out of five of us are impacted by negative, you know, pathology, right? So in other words, there's a significant number of us that are not even ready to begin the dating process. So the very first question that I ask when someone comes to me is, do you love yourself?
Matchmaking Guru Knows No Boundaries
Once we get around that, okay, the very first thing is to look at how we can optimize the number of men or women that they're meeting. You know, social media is a great tool. You know, online dating is a great tool. There are various places where you can actually meet a higher number of people that are aligned with your values.
So I think there are many ways that we have been very successful with in increasing the number of possible mates that people are meeting.
I have a question from the control room, from somebody who is in your demographic, I would say.
Coaching & Matchmaking - Paul C. Brunson
And this is a question I've heard from people who work on my staff, who are in their 20s and early 30s. They say, why is it so hard to find people, to have quality relationships? And I hear this - I have to tell you, I hear this from both men and women. And who presumably aren't just looking for the hookup.