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I struggled to couch my objections in simple language. Sometimes I dance with boys or kiss boys. But only if I want to. It was only later that I remembered the oft-cited Department of Justice statistic that one in four American women experiences rape or attempted rape during college. Although I found it stifling to imagine being deprived of erotic intimacy outside of marriage—not to mention a fun night out once in a while—the comparatively extreme sexual freedom of the U.

I was distracted by these thoughts on my walk home from dinner with Sarasi, hardly noticing the fruit bats swooping in and out of lush rain trees.

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Our conversation had unmoored my beliefs about sexuality. While I was reading in his garden one afternoon, a group of red-faced men in sarongs gathered nearby and belted out raucous renditions of folk songs.

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Men here, they see a white girl, they think bad things. Then he explained—self-evidently enough—that men see movies in which white girls show off their bodies and seem to revel in promiscuity.

I had indeed noticed two or three middle-aged women traveling with and paying the way for younger Sri Lankan men. And Sampath said he also had a couple of friends who were devoted—and successful—seducers of younger tourists.

sri lanka dating women

I chose to forget for the moment that I, too, exploited the increased freedom my white skin afforded me. When I got off the bus a few hours later, I was thrilled to find a beach touristy enough for me to sunbathe in a bikini without being harassed by local men. While I dove and splashed in clear, green waves, women in saris stood on the sweltering shore, dipping their toes in the froth.

The problem with this dichotomous thinking became clear when I decided to treat myself to a massage.

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