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We were so wise. They had never met girls like us, girls who knew so much, girls who understood them so well.
The Near Miss: On Dating Older Men When I Was A Teenager - Role Reboot
They told us this over and over, every one of them, like reading from a script: I was dying to feel older, which I accomplished by wearing impossibly short skirts and sky-high platform shoes, carrying a tiny knife disguised as a tube of lipstick in my purse and feeling sly and dangerous.
I wanted to feel desired, and the men I met were more than happy to comply—to tell me I was beautiful in my Hot Topic bustiers, breasts hiked to the collarbone, boots laced up to the knee.the REAL reason young girls date older men...
On Saturday nights in high school, my curfew was 5am. I told my parents that I spent those early morning hours hanging out in a diner with my friends, girls a year or two older than me who would drive me home. Some nights that was true. We sat awkwardly on lopsided couches making tense small talk while one girl or another disappeared into a bedroom, a kitchen, a bathroom, giggling, hand in hand with a man five, seven, 10 years her senior.
When I was 15, I dated a man named Michael.
- 'My Teenage Relationship With An Older Man Still Haunts Me Now'
- The Near Miss: On Dating Older Men When I Was A Teenager
- Teenage girls want relationships with older men – that’s why it’s men’s responsibility to say no
I found this tragically romantic, imagining I might be the one to heal his wounded soul. He offered to buy me a cell phone so that he would be able to hear my voice whenever he wanted. Later that year, there was Steven. The night we met, he pulled me away from my friends, around the dark side of a building into an alley where he pushed me up against a wall and kissed me so hard it made my teeth hurt.
In the gray early morning hours, he took my friend Jocelyn and me back to his apartment, where we sat on the edge of a filthy couch watching Steven and his roommates smoke cigarettes and complain about their jobs.
I can see now that their lives were small and grimy, with little joy besides driving fast and listening to loud music, playing pool in bars where the very air felt gritty and making out with girls too young to know better. But to me, back then, it seemed glamorous and important.
Compared to the boys we knew at school, these men were smart, experienced, interesting. They had jobs and cars and apartments of their own, and to a teenager, this extremely basic level of independence seemed thrilling.
Older guys were exciting. They were a ride at an amusement park, a gasping plummet followed by stomach-dropping uncertainty. I was never afraid of heights, but looking back, I should have been.