All Dealing with dad dating again messages
About a year after my mom's death my dad started dating a woman whom He is a widower who has remarried and is trying to build a new life. I didn't see a board titled "dealing with widowed parent dating again" and I . After my Mom passed, my Dad was (understandably) miserable. How To Deal When Your Widowed Parent Starts Dating Again Then my dad died last summer, and my concept of what I thought life was like.
In addition to the normal emotions that occur when any of us are faced with making sense of the death of a loved one, the loss of a parent poses particular challenges when we are faced with accepting a new partner that may on the surface be appearing to take the role of our deceased parent.
Story continues below advertisement As children regardless of our agewe tend to view our parents as one collective entity or unit.
Of course our wish is for our parents to be happy, but it can be difficult to imagine a parent creating a new life with a new partner.
There may be myriad emotions you are experiencing. It is quite normal to be feeling some negative feelings or even resentment toward your father's new partner. There may be worry that she will somehow try to take the place of your mother, or that somehow the feelings your father had toward your mother will lessen.
There can be a feeling of betrayal — that if somehow you were to accept your father's new partner that you would be betraying the memory of your mother. The reality is that no one will ever take the place and role of your mother in your family. Your mother will always be your mother regardless of whether a new partner enters your familyand to your father she will always be the mother of his children.
There is no clear-cut answer on how you can best interact with your new father's new partner.
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Certainly there is no need to "act" in a particular way, as this would both be exhausting and would likely come across as forced or fake. Speak with your father about your feelings. Chances are that he is experiencing some mixed feelings as well about how to move forward in a way that honours your mother's memory. He may be concerned about the same things you are, and may be worried about the impact of his dating on you and other family members. He may not have the words to express how he is feeling.
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Give him permission to do so. Be honest about how you are feeling. For 3 years he sat at the kitchen table, staring out the window, playing solitare on his computer. My sisters and I felt horrible. After about a year we tried to encourage him to join a widowers group to meet a nice lady his own age and grab a cup of coffee.
Just to get out. Well, 2 weeks ago, through my youngest sister, I found out that he is "seeing" someone. After 3 years he is "seeing" someone.
He has been "seeing" her for about 2 months. You would think that I would be happy. Only my youngest sister and I the oldest know. We can't even tell our middle sister because we are afraid of her reaction. We are 45, 38 and 35 years old. A few months ago my youngest sister and her husband convinced my dad to upgrade his phone to one of these phones that does everything.
They put him on their plan and got him this new phone. He is 68 years old and didn't know how to use it So 2 months ago my sister gets the cell statement and sees this number on it over and over again. She naturally researches and discovers, through the internet, who belongs to this cell number.
It is some woman. Dad, a 68 year old that can barely see, is texting some woman 40 times a day. My technologically challenged father Again, through the internet, my sister gets a name and starts to research. She uncovers ALL kinds of stuff. Second, she is One year older than my middle sister. Naturally, the first thing that comes to our mind is that she views our father as her "sugar daddy". My dad, a sugar daddy. Thanks to Facebook, we know all about her.
Speaking of Facebook, at least 4 months ago I suggested to him about me setting up a Facebook for him. To reconnect with guys he used to work with.
- Since Mom died, my dad doesn't seem to care about his kids
- Happy, yet resentful, that widowed dad met someone new
- need advice — hard time dealing with dad dating someone right after my mom died
He didn't even like it when I would put pictures of him on Facebook. Me, his daughter, wanted to set him up with a Facebook and he said no. But since this woman now he has one. The only one of us he knows that knows about this woman is my younger sister. She actually asked him about it after she discovered the relationship. He told her that it isn't what she thinks and that it is insignificant.Should you date a widow or widower? My advice.
She told him what she found out about her. She wrote him a letter expressing concern and he told her that our mothers death and illness affected him profoundly. He told her that since he was 17 all he thought about was our mother and then one day she was gone. He told my sister that he knows what he is doing and is not naive and stupid.
That he will not let anyone take advantage of him. He said that he never wants to love anyone the way he loved mom ever again.
To get some dinner and have fun with. That he will have the pain of mom's death with him until the day he dies. He thinks about her everyday and misses her everyday. And we loved our mother tremendously. They both worked so hard to give us a great childhood and lots of great memories. Not one of them trashy or dysfunctional. Like I said, this woman is the "anti" us. Her foul language, lifestyle, etc.